2014

 

 This year was so incredibly strange. I lost so many people for so many different reasons, met hundreds of new people, moved halfway across the world, cut my hair shorter than I've ever had it, and visited one of the places I wanted to visit most in the world.

Let's start with moving halfway across the world.
So I lived in Qatar for 7 and a half years. All of my friends were there. Most of my memories were made there. Even though no one in my family lived there, my friends and my family friends felt like family. I miss every one of them so much.
This summer, I moved to Canada. I only had one person I considered a friend in the whole country. I went to my new school in September. I knew no one there. Not a single soul. I remember the first conversation I had there. I was in the coatroom, when the teacher walked in and told me and another girl that was there that we both looked familiar. The other girl told her that she'd been going to the school for years, and I said that I was completely new. The teacher asked her to show me around the school, which she did. We were both so painfully awkward. Now that I know her more, she is a very quite and awkward person in general, and thankfully it wasn't just me. I am not a very shy person at all.
When you first meet me, I try my best to talk and not be quite, which can sometimes be hard. But I am quite an extravert. I know that now. My friend often says that I am "way too popular for the new girl." I don't think I'm popular, I just talk a lot and make friends fairly easily. Is that the definition of popularity? Never mind. I'll talk more about that later.
I was so so so nervous to go to a school where I knew no one. In fact, my stomach felt weird every time I thought about it. I prepared myself and set my expectations so low so that I wouldn't be sad if I didn't make any friends. Surprisingly, I went home knowing that there were two people I considered friends.

Obviously, I lost a lot of people because of the move. I rarely talk to my friends from Qatar. I miss them so much, especially today for some reason. It hurts to see them post photos from when they were last together. It just reminds me that I will never be in one of those for a long time.
But I also made a lot of new friends and gained so many people. I am grateful for that. But it feels so wrong to call someone my best friend now. I feel like I'm betraying my old best friend, even though I think that she probably calls someone else her best friend now. I think I'm okay with that. Anyway, I'll make a whole new post about moving and making friends later on.

 I lost people, but not only because of moving. I also lost my grandma to cancer in November. I'm so devastated, but I'm so happy that she doesn't have to go through the pain of chemotherapy and just dealing with cancer anymore. I know she's in a better place now. She'd been fighting cancer for around two years, and I can't even imagine how painful and tiring it must be for everyone that has to go through that. Stay strong.

Speaking of my grandmother, she was getting treated in New York, where her daughter lives. In August, we went to visit them. I'd always wanted to go to New York. I never thought that the first time I would go to New York would be the last time I'd see my grandmother. Unfortunately, I only got to spend a couple of days there, with her.
           

Now that I think about it, all of these things  happened in the second half of the year. That's because in the first half of the year, I was not happy.. In fact, I was a little depressed. I hated my life. Everything was so boring. But then I visited Canada in April, and I realized that I'm one of those people who hate routine. Traveling and moving to Canada really helped with that. I'm no longer sad anymore, the only thing making me sad is that I miss my old life. But then I think about how sad I was, and I no longer miss my life. I miss the people that were in it. But I know we will reunite one day. For now, I have new friends and new memories to make. I don't have time to dwell on the past.


 2014 was a fun ride. It was packed with loops and sudden ups and downs. Mostly downs in the beginning, and ups in the end. Like I'm being rewarded for going through it, or life is making up for bullying me. At least that's how I like to think of it.

Letters to Winter | Happiness

 Dear Winter,

Recently, a friend was doing a project on happiness, and she asked me what happiness meant to me.  I said, "Being happy is having a healthy range of emotions. It's not just not being sad, it's being everything. And being okay with being everything." She laughed, and I realized how much I sounded like a therapist. She then told me that most people said "laughing", "having fun", "not worrying","friends and family" or things like that.

I think that some people's idea of happiness is distorted. Happiness isn't a permanent state. You can't be happy all the time. There has to be space for excitement, anxiety, sadness, anger, and everything in between. To quote one of my favorite bands, "Without the bitter, the sweet isn't as sweet." Without night, we wouldn't learn to appreciate day. Without the cold, we wouldn't appreciate the warmness of our beds.

In other words, happiness and sadness are like the yin and yang. Without one, the other would not exist. While I enjoy the days full of excitement and the outdoors and socializing, I also enjoy a day like today every once in a while; a day when I sit in bed all day, in my pajamas, watching youtube videos.

Happiness is not only being happy. Happiness is to get through sadness and learn to enjoy it and make the best out of it.

Letters to Winter

Dear Winter,

It's been a while since we've last spoken, Winter. I can't say that I've been looking forward to seeing you again, but I did miss you on those hot Summer days. I missed being able to drink tea without sweating it out within minutes. I missed sweaters and blankets and boots. And now that you're here, I can wear and do all of these things.
Enough about me, how have you been? Today, the 21st of December, at 4:03 P.M., precisely, is your birthday. Today is the official first day of Winter, even though it's felt like Winter for a while here. Today is the start of my first real Winter. This Summer, I made the move from hot, sunny, Qatar (a country you've probably never heard of because of how tiny it is) to cold, beautiful Canada (the second largest country in the world.)
Before this year, I had never experienced snow in my life. Right now, I am sitting in my bedroom looking out to the park next to my house that is currently covered with a thin sheet of snow. Thankfully, it hasn't snowed in about a week, so the snow is melting.
You didn't have to bring a gift you know, although it is lovely. The last couple of weeks have been a bit more stressful than usual, and I did need a break. Your gift is similar to your sisters'. Summer brings the long summer break, Spring brings her break, and you bring yours. Although Autumn doesn't bring a gift quite like yours, I still love her.

It was nice to catch up. I'll talk to you again soon, Winter.

Love,

Farah

Rain

Ever since I was a little kid, rain has always held a special place in my heart. The way it smells, the way it sounds, I love it all. I love waking up to the sound of rain outside my window and thinking, "Oh, it's gonna be one of those days, The kind of day when you realize that the days of swimsuits and ice cream are gone. When you take out the blankets you haven't laid eyes on in months, and wrap yourself in them, and they never leave your side all day. When your sweet-tooth settles for apple crumble instead of the ice cream it's been having for the past summer.
  Rain is when you pick out your favorite mug and make yourself a simmering cup of tea, or hot chocolate. Rain is watching from afar while the world outside gets soaked, and no matter how much you love it, you choose to stay inside. Rain is curling up on the couch with your favorite mug and your favorite blanket, breathing in the scent of your apple crumble, pretending that a world outside of the comfort of your own home does not exist.